i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
