Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
