couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
