I'm gonna have a badass scar
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize