I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
