Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
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Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
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We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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