he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
