I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
