when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
