weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
