i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
