I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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