wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
