i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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