what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
