so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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