Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
