in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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