I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
