just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
