i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
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i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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