SEEEEXXX PLEASE
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
