I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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