i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they need to just BURY HIM!
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
