i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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