then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
