I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
