All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
