do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
