i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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