That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
