every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize