you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
