got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
