what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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