I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
