I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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