btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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