The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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