Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
