what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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