Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
