He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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