Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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