i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize