did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
