This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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