My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
His nipple licking is glorious
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