goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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