I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she told me i tasted like america
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
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Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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