If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
