Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
