I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
