I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
