Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
