I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
