C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
