i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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