Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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